On Jan, 1 2023 i had my epiphany moment. The day i made the decision to start the work. I mean working on discovering who i am, my interests, what made me , me. I had a hibernation period six months prior to that. Absolutely nothing was happening in my life during that phase. I was suffering from functional freeze. This is a term well defined within the mental health space. I had to find myself again.
I’m forever grateful to the person who made that moment possible. Hibby, my good friend. She is special. What happened is she literally forced me out of the house that day, she bought tickets for a gospel show for us and we had the best moment of our lives. Okay before i get lost into the events of that day,i better just get into it.
Since from then onward, my number one priority became me, i decided that, for once i was not going to be sad that i am growing old, on my birthday. I remember the last time i had celebrated my birthday was in 2018, when my mum bought me a pair of designer perfumes, i still have them by the way, i only use them on very special days. Since then, grief consumed me, then came a very dark phase. I dreaded my birthdays, they were a constant reminder of what i didn’t have. The ring and the cute little family. I told myself that, that mindset had to change. Why not start appreciating what i already have, my brothers, my very dear aunties, those guys stood by me during my darkest days, the job i have, the sun, the air i breathe, the beautiful sun. I had a lot of love around me which i did not give credit to. I did not even realize that i could afford a holiday, any holiday that i can think of.
A decision was made, by me that life was supposed to be celebrated. My birthday had to be honored. So i decided to plan a holiday to Cape Town. And this was supposed to be a solo experience, because it was personal. I remember sharing this story during one of my yoga sessions in May, that, even if i end up dating someone by October, i was going to leave them behind, that is how personal it was. I bought my flight tickets in May, and paid for my 10 day stay accommodation then, and then came months of research. Remember i was going to this place for the first time alone. I managed to secure an Airbnb in Greenpoint one of the best places you can stay, its even close to the beach front. Everything was planned to the last detail. I have family in Cape Town, my uncles. One of them even offered to pick me up at the airport, but i didn’t want to take it, it was that personal. I had to experience everything on my own.
October 27 came, i had already made sure i had Uber installed on my phone. Had Indrive as a back up plan. My birthday is on 29 October, the day had to come when i would be there. Remember it had to be special. Ok, back to my day of travel, i left my house in an Indrive ride, got to the airport. My heart was beating fast at the rhythm of my soul. I was putting a brave face, but deep inside, i had the fear of the unknown. “What if i get lost and not find my way at OR Tambo? “, i thought. Before boarding, i met Tembi, one of my dear Pilates classmate. Oh, God i will have to write about my Pilates experiences, someday. She asked about my trip, and why i was taking it alone. I had to narrate everything i had been through, the events that led me back to myself. She commented on how strong i am, and how brave it is for me . She even shared a bit of her own story. She is such a lovely person if i am being honest. She was also on her way to Johannesburg, to just chill and breathe for the weekend, talking about the simple things rich people do. Its simple but its worthwhile. Which means we were on the same flight, she was on the business class section, and i was on the famous economy. We parted at boarding.
I had carefully chosen, the window seat by the wing. Girl had to take content. lol. I recently deleted it though, i really do not post everything i do. At the end of the day, what’s most important are the memories i make whilst going through moments. That’s when i met Ben, he was sitting beside me. We chatted our way through the journey.I shared about the reasons on why i was going on this trip. He talked about his new company he had recently formed with his friends and how he was going to Cape Town so that he could watch the Springbok vs New Zealand rugby match with his friends at the bar. He also talked about how he had spent his college days in France, and how he was separating with his girl friend. I had pre booked a different meal, from which i shared an orange with him. An over 1 hour journey felt like we had been in it for 30 minutes, we just couldn’t stop talking until we got to OR Tambo. To be honest i have never connected with someone of the white race, the way i connected with this guy on this trip. I told him of how it was my first time being at OR Tambo, and my connecting flight was in the next one and half hours, i was already running late. His was later that day, he had more time in Johannesburg. He promised to show me the way, which he did. He told me to skip the immigration queue, and go right at the front, i was in a hurry. Just after my passport was stamped, i was on the other side, and a gush of regret struck me, i should have exchanged contacts with Ben, but it was too late. There was no way i would see him again, it was just crowded. I had to run my way to the airline check-in point and then to the gates. If i say i didn’t run like Bolt then, i would be lying, the girl ran. I regret booking my flights close to each other.
My flight to Cape Town was quiet, i did not even talk to the person sitting beside me. He was older and he slept his way till landing time. I felt the 1 hour 50 minutes pass by. Thank goodness i had downloaded an episode from one of my favorite podcasts “Black Girl Burnout” Then came the moment, touch down..
Remember i had a plan. My brother had traveled to Johannesburg two weeks prior to my journey, so i had a SIM card borrowed from him. The plan was to load data, request a Uber ride and off to Greenpoint. As i got to the doorway, out, putting on my brave face, i had to be confident. If you show yourself to be confused, you expose yourself , i kept reminding myself all of that.
The moment i found some place to sit, whilst i request my ride, that’s the moment i met Ntando.
I have to write about my few encounters with this kind man, in the next part. Just a hint of what is coming, meeting this person came useful to one of the situations i got myself into, which had the potential to ruin my trip.
I will explain all this in the next part…
Vickie 